Before Jan, 2006
Subject: slpeling
Typoglycemia
Don't delete this because it looks weird. Believe it or not you
can read it.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was
rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch
at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod
are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a
porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
istlef, but the wrod as a
wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was
ipmorantt.
[back to top]
Before Jan, 2005
A pile of mostly
useless information.
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented.
It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...
and thus the word GOLF entered English language.
The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
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The first couple to be shown in bed together on
prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
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Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
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Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
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Coca-Cola was originally green.
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It is impossible to lick your elbow.
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The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%, (now get this)...
the
percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
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The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
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The average number of people airborne over the US
at any given hour: 61,000
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Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
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The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
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The youngest pope was 11 years old.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The first novel ever written on a type writer: Tom Sawyer.
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The San Francisco cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from
history:
Spades- King David
Hearts- Charlemagne
Clubs- Alexander the Great
Diamonds- Julius Caesar
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in
the air,
the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air,
the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground,
the person died of natural causes.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th,
John Hancock and Charles Thomson.
Most of the rest signed on August 2nd,
but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[back to top]
Question and Answers
Answers after last question.
Question:
1. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
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2. Most boat owners name their boats.
What is the most popular boat name requested?
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3. If you were to spell out numbers,
how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
4. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers,
and laser printers all have in common?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
5. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
6. On which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the
year?
Answers:
1. Their birthplace
2. Obsession
3. One thousand
4. All invented by women
5. Honey
6. Father's Day
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened,
making the bed firmer to sleep on.
Hence the phrase, "goodnight, sleep tight."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month
after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with
all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because
their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month,
which we know today as the honeymoon.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In English pubs ale is ordered by pints and quarts.
So in Old England when customers got unruly,
the bartender would yell at them to
"mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."
It's where we get the phrase, "mind your Ps and Qs."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked
into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups.
When they needed a refill they used the whistle to get some service.
"Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
-----------------------------------------AND
FINALLY!-------------------------------------------------
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
(10/04)
-----------------------
Flies jump backwards before they take off.
(10/04)
-------------------
[back to top]
General One-Liners
Borrow money from pessimists; they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Forty-two point seven percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future.
Laziness pays off now.
I intend to live forever-so far, so good.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your
horn louder.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on
it.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
[back to top]
EVER WONDER
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
[back to top]
Before 01/03
======
Did you know ......... ?
If you add together all the numbers on a roulette
wheel (1 to 36), the total is the number 666.
In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to
speak.
Antarctica is the only continent that does not have
land areas below Sea level.
56% of the video game market is adults.
98% of all Americans feel better about themselves
when they flush a toilet.
On average, a 4 year old child
asks 437 questions a day.
A human with his/her mouth glued to a hose, and
nostrils shut, can absorb approximately eight
gallons of water before bursting.
(how they found this out is puzzling)
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
A crocodile can't stick it's tongue out.
A shrimp's heart is in their head.
People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because
when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.
In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years,
no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the
sand (or attempted to do so - apart from Bones ).
It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
Between 1937 and 1945 Heinz produced a version of
Alphabetti Spaghetti especially for the German market that consisted
solely of little pasta swastikas.
More than 50% of the people in the world have never made
or received a telephone call.
Rats and horses can't vomit.
The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be
the
toughest tongue twister in the English language.
If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib.
If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel
in your head or neck and die.
If you keep your eyes open by force when you sneeze,
they can pop out.
Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats
could have over million descendants.
Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the
bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
If the government has no knowledge of aliens,
then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the
Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on
July16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any
contact with extra terrestrials or their vehicles?
In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads
for dating are already married.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by
people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.
In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping,
eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
Cat's urine glows under a black-light.
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
(submitted by Elliot, 2/02)
[back to top]
* * *
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.
For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't
hurt.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the
right time,
but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight,
because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to
blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's
really in trouble.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and
"IRS" together,
it spells "THEIRS"?
======
this section submitted by Elliot, 2/02
[back to top]
Before
9/99
Anarchy is
better than no government at all.
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
Crazy people who are productive are geniuses. Crazy people who are rich
are eccentric. But crazy people who are neither productive nor rich are
just crazy.
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered and no one was there.
Just saying 'no' prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day'
cures chronic depression.
War doesn't determine who's right but who's left.
A city is a large community where people are lonesome together. - Herbert
Prochnow
A word to the wise is unnecessary. - La Rouchefoucauld
The future isn't what it used to be.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
George Washington's brother was the uncle of our country.
A seminar on time travel will be held in two weeks ago.
A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.
A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defence.
Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks
of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the
pool and throw them fish.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird, people take prozac to make it normal.
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to
change back into a sun in the daytime.
That place is so crowded, nobody goes there anymore.
The biggest liar you'll ever have to deal with probably watches you shave
his face in the mirror every morning.
A hen is an egg's way of making another egg.
The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.
Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire
to live, taking the form of readiness to die. - G.K. Chesterton
A foolproof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of
marble, then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.
The Moral Majority is neither.
DEATH to all fanatics.
Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
Today is the tomorrow you were so worried about yesterday!
You are what you eat.
Illegal drugs are the chlorine in the gene pool.
A language is a dialect with an army.
A classic is a book that is much praised yet rarely read.
A self-addressed envelope would be addressed 'envelope'.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
A soldier will fight long and hard for a bit of coloured ribbon. -
Napoleon Boneparte
Man must exist in a state of balance between risk and safety. Pure risk
leads to self-destruction. Pure safety leads to stagnation. In between
lies survival and progress.
Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant. The
population is growing.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
Only Users Lose Drugs...
Champagne for my true friends and true pain for my sham friends!
If an infinite number of rednecks in the back of an infinite number of
pickup trucks shoot an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite
number of highway signs, they will eventually produce a complete version
of Hamlet in braille.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the
end.
I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.
I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through...
I started out with nothing... I still have most of it.
Footprints on the sands of time are not made by sitting down.
The more you cry, the less you have to pee.
A brave artist avails himself to both the darkness and the light. A brave
artist swims in the same water in which the personality of the psychotic
drowns.
Constant change is here to stay
If you owe the bank $ 100 and you don't have it, you have a problem. If
you owe the bank $ 100,000,000.00 and you don't have it, the bank has a
problem.
How to become immortal: Read this signature tomorrow and follow its
advice.
'It's bad luck to die on empty stomach.' G'kar, Babylon 5
If you can read this, you've just wasted your time on reading the sentence
'If you can read this, you've just wasted your time on reading the
sentence' - Twice!
Buy one for the price of two and get another one free!
6 out of 5 people don't understand fractions.
A king's castle is his home.
A self-addressed envelope would be addressed "envelope"
A toast to bread, for without bread, there could be no toast.
Long periods of drought are always followed by rain.
If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then
only left handed people are in their right mind.
Don't trust reality. After all, it's only a collective hunch.
What if the Hokey-Pokey is really what it's all about?
Half the people you know are below average.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
[back to top]
God in
Advertising?
The following was in a recent edition of the Columbia
(SC) State Newspaper. A Fort Lauderdale advertising firm put
together an eye-catching campaign designed to inspire weary travelers. The
stark white-on-black billboards, designed by the Smith Agency and paid for
by a client who wished to remain anonymous, contained messages that God
might send our way:
Let's Meet At My House On Sunday Before The Game. - God.
C'mon Over And Bring The Kids. - God.
What Part Of "Thou Shalt Not..."Didn't You Understand? - God.
We Need To Talk. - God.
Keep Using My Name In Vain And I'll Make Rush Hour Longer. - God.
Loved The Wedding, Invite Me To The Marriage. - God.
That "Love Thy Neignbor" Thing, I Meant It. - God.
I Love You...I Love You...I Love You... - God.
Will The Road You're On Get You To My Place? - God
Follow Me. - God.
Big Bang Theory, You've Got To Be Kidding. - God
My Way Is The Highway . - God
Need Directions? - God
You Think It's Hot Here? - God
Tell The Kids I Love Them. - God
Need A Marriage Counselor? I'm Available. - God
Have You Read My #1 Best Seller? There Will Be A Test. - God
[back to top]
Before
6/99
Steven Wright
Classics:
- I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere
near the place.
- I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full
house and four people died.
- Last week, I went to a furniture store to look for a decaffeinated
coffee table. They couldn't help me.
- What's another word for -thesaurus?-
- When I get real bored, I like to drive down town and get a great parking
spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
- When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the backyard. I was an
only child... eventually.
- I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to
buy them again.
- For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them
in the same room and let them fight it out.
- I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every
once in a while I turn it on and off. One day I got a call from a
woman in France who said, -Cut it out!-
- I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights. Now it
looks like I'm the only one moving.
- I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new
song on the radio, I think, Hey, maybe I wrote that.-
- I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now
when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer &
farther, trying to see it clearly)... and says, Here, you can go.
- I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything
specific.
- I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats
on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
- I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
- My neighbor has a circular driveway. He can't get out.
- I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add.
- I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.
- I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now, but leave
a message and I'll call when I'm out.
- I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I
got there.
- I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I
ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
- A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to
go. You'll just be walking down the street and... oohh, that's much
better.
- I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea
shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world.
Maybe you've seen some of it.
- I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
- Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
- It doesn't matter what temperature the room is; it's always room
temperature.
- If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
- You can't have everything... where would you put it?
- Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think
I've forgotten this before.
- I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there,
the guy was locking the front door. I said, Hey, the sign says
you're open 24 hours. He said, Yes, but not in a row.
- I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They
ask me if they can help me, and I say, Have you got anything I'd
like? Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, extra
medium.-
- While I was gone, someone stole everything in my apartment and replaced
it with an exact replica. When I told my roommate, he said, Do I
know you?
- I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above
me are furious.
- On the ceilings in my house, I have paintings of the rooms above so I
never have to go upstairs.
- I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, Do you
know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour? Yes, officer, but I
wasn't going to be out that long.
- One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said,
Didn't you see the stop sign? I said, Yeah, but I don't believe
everything I read.
- The judge asked, What do you plead? I said, Insanity, your
honor. Who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?
- Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone. When I came back the
entire area was missing.
- For a while I didn't have a car... I had a helicopter... no place to
park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running. [Slow
glance upward.]
- I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
- I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that
means it's going to be up all night.
- Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were
broadcast all over the world.
- When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep
good? I said, No, I made a few mistakes.
- I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called
information. She said, Hello, Information. I said, I can't
find my socks. She said, They're behind the couch.
- I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on
and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only
stutter in Spanish.
- I was born by Caesarian section... but not so you'd notice. It's
just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.
- Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far
that you almost fall over backwards, but at the last instant you catch
yourself? That's how I feel all the time.
- I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
-end (whew)
If you can't write
your idea on the back of my calling card,
you don't have a clear idea.
-David Belasco
[back to top]
Before
12/98
You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.
-Barbara De Angelis
It's alright letting yourself go, as long as you can
get yourself back.
-Mick Jagger
Truly loving another means letting go of all
expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another's
personhood.
-Karen Casey
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some
stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never,
ever the same.
-Unknown
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
-Mother Teresa
Sticks and stones only break bones. Words can shatter
the soul. We tell ourselves it takes more
than that to send a person over the edge. Maybe so, maybe not.......
-Ina Hughs
A friend is a gift we give ourselves.
-Robert Louis Stevenson
...my friends are my most precious asset.
-Erynn Miller
"...There's the people you've known forever. Who
like...know you...in this way. That other people
can't. Because they've seen you change. They've let you change."
-From My So-Called Life
All you need is love.
-John Lennon
Enjoy yourself. These are the good old days you're
going to miss in the years ahead.
-Anonymous
Relationships---of all kinds---are like sand held in
your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is.
The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand
trickles through your fingers. You may hold on to some of it, but most of
it will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with
repsect and freedom for the other person, it's likely to remain intact.
But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the
relationship slips away and is lost.
-Kaleel Jamison, The Nibble Theory
Did you ever
notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take
him in a car he sticks his head out the window! - Steve Bluestone
Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and
anyone going faster than you is a maniac? - George Carlin
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles
a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she
is. - Ellen DeGeneres
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. - Rita Rudner
I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I grew hair under
my arms instead. - Sue Kolinsky
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. - Carol Leifer
I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must
eat it with naked fat people. - Ed Bluestone
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second
day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some
fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries
with that?" - Jay Leno
I dated this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I
wanna know your name..." - Mike Binder
Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long enough
to get money from it. - Stephen Leacock
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be
caught dead in otherwise. - Roger Simon
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow
you'll be afraid to cough. - Pearl Williams
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. -
Dave Edison
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by
candlelight. - George Gobel
Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation
Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it
back for seventy-five cents. - Billiam Coronel
[back to top]
And, who knows who
came up with these...
A closed
mouth gathers no feet.
A journey of
a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
A penny
saved is ridiculous.
All that
glitters has a high refractive index.
Ambition is
a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Anarchy is
better than no government at all.
Any small
object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
Be moderate
where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.
Death is
life's way of telling you you've been fired.
Don't force
it, get a larger hammer.
Entropy
isn't what it used to be.
Fairy tales:
horror stories for children to get them used to reality.
Going the
speed of light is bad for your age.
Health is
merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Herblock's
Law: If it's good, they will stop making it.
History does
not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.
It is a
miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
It works
better if you plug it in.
It's not
hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
Jury: Twelve
people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
Let not the
sands of time get in your lunch.
Mediocrity
thrives on standardization.
Reality is
the only obstacle to happiness.
The only
difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
The 2 most
common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
Back Up My
Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?
I just got
lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Everyone has
a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
When the
chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Seen it all,
done it all, can't remember most of it.
Those who
live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like
I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He's not
dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
She's always
late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.
You have the
right to remain silent....
anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how
much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you
love peace and quiet.
Pardon my
driving; I am reloading.
Nothing is
fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
A day
without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Atheism is a
non-prophet organization.
On the other
hand, you have different fingers.
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