Bogus Labels from Real Products!

Before Jan, 2008

On football helmet:
To avoid risks, do not engage in the sport of football

Before Jan, 2005

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: "...You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just
get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."
(..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

[back to top]

Before 2/1/01
On a cardboard car sunshield...	"Do not drive with sunshield in place." - from Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch contest
On a container of underarm deodorant...	"Caution: Do not spray in eyes." - from Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch contest
On a hand-held massager...	"Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." - from Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch contest
On a household iron...	"Never iron clothes while they are being worn." - from Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch contest
On a 13 inch wheelbarrow wheel...	"Not intended for highway use." - from Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch contest
On a can of self-defense pepper spray...	"May irritate eyes." - from Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch contest
In a brochure about a stock company whose stock had been failing for several months...	"There is no guarantee past performance will be indicative of future results." - from Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch contest
In a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock"...	"WARNING: Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." - from Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch contest
On a pair of shin guards...	"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." - from Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch contest
On a toilet inside a public restroom...	"Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." - from Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch contest
On a jet-ski...	"WARNING: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to forceful injection of water into body cavities, either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." - from Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch contest
On an electric router...	"This product not intended for use as a dental drill." - from Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch contest
On a tube of children's toothpaste... [back to top]	"Keep out of reach of children." - from Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch contest
Before 9/1/99
On a water bottle...	"Do not ingest internally." - submitted by Matt, the couch guy
On the ramp of a U-Haul truck...	"WARNING: Do not use ramp while vehicle is in motion." - submitted by matt, the couch guy
On a hair dryer...	"WARNING: Do not use while sleeping." - submitted by Kathy T.
In a "Safety Handbook" for employees...	"Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes." - submitted by Adele S.
On a bag of Frito's corn chips...	"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." - submitted by Raheel C.
On some Swann frozen dinners...	"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's only a suggestion) - submitted by Raheel C.
On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box...	"Fits one head." - submitted by Raheel C.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of the box)...	"Do not turn upside down." (Too late. You lose.) - submitted by Raheel C.
On Marks Spencer Bread Pudding...	"Product will be hot after heating." - submitted by Raheel C.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron...	"Do not iron clothes on body." (But, wouldn't that save more time?) - submitted by Raheel C.
On Boot's Children's cough medicine...	"Do not drive car or operate machinery." - submitted by Raheel C.
On Nytol sleep aid...	"Warning: May cause drowsiness." - submitted by Raheel C.
On a Korean kitchen knife...	"Warning keep out of children." - submitted by Raheel C.
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights...	"For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to use in outer space?) - submitted by Raheel C.
On a Japanese food processor...	"Not to be used for the other use." (Now I'm curious.) - submitted by Raheel C.
On Sainsbury's peanuts...	"Warning: Contains nuts." - submitted by Raheel C.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts...	"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." - submitted by Raheel C.
On a child's Superman costume...	"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (Talk about destroying a universal childhood fantasy!) - submitted by Raheel C.
On a bar of Dial soap... [back to top]	"Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?) - submitted by Raheel C.
Before 12/22/98
On a baby stroller...	"Remove your child before folding the baby stroller."
On a sleeping pill bottle...	"WARNING: This drug may cause sleepiness."
On a fireplace lighter...	"CAUTION: Be careful when using this near fire, flame, or sparks."
On a laser printer cartridge...	"WARNING: Do not eat toner."
On a fudgesicle wrapper...	"CAUTION: Contents frozen! Be careful when applying tongue!