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Before 01/11
"Honk
if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you want to meet him."
(2/21/10, submitted by JefB)
Before 01/09
"My cow is
dead, so I don't need your bull anymore."
(6/4/07, Columbus, OH, painted on the
back of a pick-up truck)
Before
01/03
If it weren't for flashbacks
I'd have no memory at all!
(9/27/02, Westerville, OH, on a truck)
Driver Carries No Cash
HE'S MARRIED!!!
(5/26/02, Westerville, OH)
Why Am I The Only One On The
Planet
Who Knows How To Drive?
(2/12/02,
Westerville, OH)
My Truck Does Not Leak -
It Just Marks Its Territory
(6/2/01,
Westerville, OH)
[Back
to the top!]
Before
01/01
Due to Recent Cutbacks,
the Light at the End of the Tunnel Has Been Turned Off. (8/26/00)
God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends
My Mother Is a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips
I Used to Be Schizophrenic, but We're OK Now
Coffee, Chocolate, Men; Some Things Are Just Better Rich
Liberal Arts Major...Will Think for Food
Don't Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would the Queen
Gravity...It's Not Just a Good Idea. It's the Law
First National Bank of Dad; Sorry, Closed
In Dog Years, I'm Dead
Love May Be Blind, But Marriage Is a Real Eye Opener
If at First You Don't Succeed, Skydiving Isn't for You
The Trouble With the Gene Pool Is That There's No Lifeguard
Get a New Car for Your Spouse. It'll Be a Great Trade
Wanted: Meaningful Overnight Relationship
I'm Going to Graduate on Time, No Matter How Long It Takes
Anything Not Worth Doing Is Not Worth Doing Well
A Day Without Sunshine is Like Night
First Things First, but Not Necessarily in That Order
Old Age Comes at a Bad Time
In America, Anyone Can Be President (That's One of the Risks You Take)
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
I need someone real bad... Are you real bad?
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
I(internal) R(revenue) S(service):
We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
God must love stupid people...He made SO many.
I said "NO" to drugs, but they didn't listen.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Don't drink and drive... You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
Keep honking while I reload.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
Who were the testers for Preparations A through G?
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an
amusement park.
EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.
If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ...or something like
that.
Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
Stop repeat offenders. Don't reelect them.
Never drive faster than your angel can fly
[Back
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Before
9/99
The best place
to take a leak - ACME Radiator Service
Don't let your mind wander - it's too little to be left alone.
ROYAL Sewer Cleaning - A ROYAL Flush beats a Full House
HVAC Vacuum Co. - This job really sucks
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
All generalizations are false.
I brake for no apparent reason.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
I love cats...they taste just like chicken.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons.
Born free...Taxed to death.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Rehab is for quitters.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
Horn broken. Watch for finger.
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt--in case heaven is like the IRS..
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
No radio - Already stolen.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Reality - Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
[Back
to the top!]
Give me
ambiguity or give me something else.
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
Ever stop to think...
and forget to start again?
Carpenters are always on the level
Baby on board - x-wife in trunk (as seen on car turned
over on side of the road)
I'm no stunt driver - I'm drunk
Plumbers have a flush wallet
I have suicidal tendencies
Chili is not for breakfast anymore
Teachers do it with class
(seen on a dog sled) If your not the lead dog, the scenery never changes
Dentist do it with a big yank
Volunteers do it for nothing
Firefighters can really take the heat
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it
Karate - try it for kicks
Swallowing your pride seldom leads to indigestion
(seen on a septic tank) If you can't go, we'll come
(seen on a well diggers truck) Our business is going into a hole
If mother says "no," ask grandma
A clean car is the sign of a sick mind
(seen on a plumbing truck) one case where a flush beats a full house!
My other car is a horse
Lets not meet by accident
I rush you can flush
A woman's place is in the Mall
Caution: this vehicle stops at all bars
Engineers know all the angles
As a matter of fact, I do own the whole road
Keys are on the front seat next to the doberman
(seen on a shoe truck) We're not God but we do save soles
Remember a MAN: discovered America,
but a woman financed the trip
We don't care how you pick your nose?
We do care where you put the buggers
I owe, I owe, I owe so off to work I go
If it weren't for your plumber, you wouldn't have a place
to go
To err is human, to really screw things up requires a computer
You Have Taken Yourself Too Seriously.
Gore->Clinton in 96. (anti-clinton)
(A rhinoceros is after him!)
Baptism: A kind of wet Bar Mitzvah.
Bill Clinton: 2 New Faces For Mount Rushmore
"Careful, we don't want to learn from this." -Calvin
We need CHARACTER, not characters, in the White House.
My Other Body is a Triathlete.
BILL AND AL'S BIG ADVENTURE
Recipe for Clinton stew: A little weenie in hot water.
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
Clinton/Gore '96: The Administration with CONVICTIONS,
and more coming every day. --Mary Matalin
How is a politician like a diaper?
Both need to be changed often for OBVIOUS reasons.
Clinton's Disease: Acquired Truth Deficiency Disorder
Help clear the court system: Legalize Dueling!
I put the FUN in dysfunctional.
Clinton never EXhaled!
Failure Teaches Success. Let's vote Clinton OUT!
Fate is what life hands you. Destiny is what you do with it.
Gardening with Bill Clinton: From Weed to Flowers.
HONK if you want an adult in the White House.
HONK if you've been married to Elizabeth Taylor.
Those who think they know it all upset those of us who do.
Lawyers & Hookers: For a fee, they will assume any position.
LIBERAL: A person who wants to put your money
where his mouth is.
He died a slow, horrible, lingering life.
The meek are getting ready.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
I've had fun before. This isn't it.
Bill Clinton's second term should be long, and without parole.
Famous Clinton Recipe: Start Pork by needing dough...
TO REST IS TO RUST.
"I" before "E" except after "C", What a
weird society.
Anything too stupid to be spoken can be sung.
The Titanic. The Hindenberg. The Clintons.
Abandon the search for truth; Settle on a good fantasy!
I live like I type: Fast and with lots of mistakes.
When you UNDERSTAND, you don't have to remember much.
My ex-wife got the gold mine, but I got the shaft.
Capital punishment means: Never having to say "You again?"
Vegetarian: Indian word for "lousy hunter".
ZenCrafters: Total enlightenment, in about an hour.
Red meat is good. Fuzzy blue-green meat is bad.
[Back
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Before
5/98
Having abandoned
my search for truth, I'm now looking for a good fantasy!
I'm not schizophrenic. You only think we are!
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Due to the lack of trees and paper products,
you must now wipe with a spotted owl.
Dual air bags... Bill and Hillary
Pregnancy is a sexually transmitted disease.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged.
She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted,
then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Caution! Driver only carries $20 in ammunition
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Change is inevitable. Except from a vending machine.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine
The gene pool could use a little chlorine
I love cats...they taste just like chicken
i souport publik edekasion
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home
Forget the Joneses, I keep up with the Simpsons
Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death
Happiness is a belt-fed weapon
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog
REHAB is for quitters
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies
All men are Idiots, and I married their king!
E. coli Happens
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar!
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition
Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!
Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal !
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
........LOST YOUR CAT? ........Try looking under my tires.
As long as there are tests,
there will be prayer in schools.
If you don't quit tailgating me, I'll flick a booger on your windshield
This vehicle protected by Smith & Wesson
My keys are on the front seat, right next to my Doberman!
If Mama ain't HAPPY, Ain't nobody Happy!
Minds are like Parachutes. They only function when open.
Get Back! I might infect you!
Saxons 1 - Norse 0 bummer
Go ahead. Rear end me. I haven't had a chance to go berserk all
week.
But officer----I'm a soldier of the King!
Tom o' Bedlam on board!
Drums! Drums! Everywhere! Aaaarrrggghhh!!!!!
The neat thing about these sick visions is i'm never sure if its the fever
or the Drexoral.
I don't think we're in Hollywood any more, Igor.
No, we're not refugees-
Happiness is seeing your boss' picture on the back of a milk carton.
Hungry and out of work? Eat an environmentalist.
Visualize whirled peas
Suicide in Kansas is redundant
Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway
No Matter Where You Go, There You Are
My Child Can Beat Up Your Honor Student
Cats Flattened While You Watch
I May Be Drunk but You're Ugly - and I will be sober tomorrow.
Stamp Out Crime - Abolish the IRS
Dare to keep the CIA off Drugs
Forget the Whales, Save the Cowboy
Eat American Lamb. Ten Million Coyotes Can't be Wrong
Old Skiers Never Die. They Just go Downhill
Money Isn't Everything, But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch
Commit Random Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty
Happiness is the Ball in the Fairway
My karma ran over my dogma
My Karma just ran over your Dogma
I brake for Hallucinations
Illiterate? Call This Number for Help...
Welcome to Colorado - Now Go Home
I'm OK. You're So-So.
Smile - Its The Second Best Thing you can do with Your Lips
Telling an Old Person He's Useless is Abortion on the Other End
Use Caution in Passing - Driver Chewing Tobacco
If Men Could Have Abortions, It Would Be a Sacrament
Ask First If The Animal Wants To Be Killed
Your Mother's Choice was Pro-Life. [Waah...]
Don't Honk - I'm Pedaling as Fast as I Can
If You Can Read This Bumper Sticker, You're In Range
This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random
Black Holes Suck.
Help Stamp Out Bumper Stickers.
[Back
to the top!]
Courtesy
of Stephen Wright
Depression
is merely anger without enthusiasm
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I intend to live forever - so far, so good
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes..
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane..
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy..
If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they..
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something..
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job..
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire..
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded..
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film..
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery..
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone..
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out..
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder..
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark..
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them..
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor..
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain..
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Black holes are where God divided by zero..
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand..
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose..
[Back
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*
* *
"I
do what the voices in my head tell me to"
as seen on the freeway in Cols. OH,
2/10/98
"Earth first! (We'll mine
the other planets later.)"
contributed by Stephen Golden,
Denver, CO
"Change is
inevitable, except from a vending machine."
"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public
schools"
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him/her sleep"
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather....
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
"Montana --- At least our cows are sane!"
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a
vegetarian."
"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"
"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the
IRS."
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
"When there's a will, I want to be in it!"
"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of
meat?"
"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its
students!"
"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
"Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!"
"Forget about World Peace...Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!"
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get
worse."
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest"
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be
happy."
"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
"i souport publik edekasion"
"The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette."
"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be
Assimilated."
"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."
"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice kitty!'... till you can find a
rock."
"I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic
particles."
I hate Bumper Stickers.
Horn broken, watch for finger.
I've been dieting for a month, and all I've lost is 30 days.
I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun.
All men are created equal, poor things.
Real men don't ask directions.
Answer my prayers, steal this car.
Parents: Can't live with them, can't live without their money.
Cyberspace scared me so much, I downloaded in my pants. |